Top 3 most effective ways to soothe a crying baby when swaddling doesn't work

You've done all 5 S's, and little Jr still won't shut up (the 6th S); here are some more ways to get baby to relax.

1. Get naked!  Get naked! Get naked!

Remove baby's clothes, including their diaper. Babies can't brush away annoying tags, or scratch seams. Sometimes this irritation is enough to drive baby crazy. Getting them naked is always the first step because it allows you to start troubleshooting whats wrong from the ground up. Its a baby reset button.

Once they're naked:

• Look over feet and hands for hair that may have wound tightly around the toes or fingers - this happens more often than you would think!
• Look for bites or red spots.  Maybe baby got bit by a bug, or like we said above, something on their clothes was irritating them.
• Check their diaper area for any irritation. Make sure you pull back those little folds where their leg meets their groin. This can be over looked since baby's legs are still curled up, and it can get super irritated in there.  
• Check their under arms - same as with their groin, they can have skin in their under arms that needs to be pulled back to get the creases clean.
• Look behind each ear to check for any redness. Place a finger behind their ear right at the jaw to feel for any hotness.  Baby may have an ear infection that's causing discomfort.  

Use this opportunity to do some skin to skin. Get topless (since both sexes have chests, both mom and dad can do this), and hold naked baby against your skin.  If you've already ruled out any diaper irritation, its fine to put one back on in case you don't like golden showers.


2. Give baby a bath or take one with them

They're naked and still crying?  Draw them a nice warm bath. If you have one that hates baths, or if you'd just like to continue the skin to skin with baby, take a bath with them. Be careful if you're tired though. You don't want to fall asleep with baby in a bath tub.  If you're feeling a like a relaxing bath will send you snoozing, I'd recommend a shower instead.  Just make sure the water is a nice warm temperature, and lay off using any soaps so that you don't make baby slippery.

Now is also a good time to bust out some soothing scents.  Lavender is a no brainier. Whether its a few drops of oil in the bath water, a scented soap, or some drops of oil distributed across a washcloth and laid across baby's back - the scent will help to soothe you and baby.


3. Give baby a massage

So, they're bathed and still haven't shut up relaxed completely, how's about a massage? Get some olive oil or coconut oil and go to town on their little arms, legs, and torso.  This will also help them if the issue was irritation. You're basically giving them a whole body scratch, so if anything was itching, you're going to get it for them.

Take some time to get behind the ears too.  Even if you didn't see any irritation/feel any warmth when you checked earlier, there is a chance that baby has non infected fluid built up and needs help moving it.  You can find a great video for helping move that fluid here.

Massage is great for helping baby pass gas too. Move baby's knees up to their belly and give a slight push. Bicycle their legs and move each knee one at a time to their belly. Here's a video demonstrating those techniques.


*Bonus Technique- GIVE UP!

Sorry, I know its not why you're here, but I do have to slap you in the face with one honest to goodness truth: Sometimes babies just cry.  I know its not what you want to hear, but it is the truth.  Its important to reset your thinking on this so that you and baby stay safe. If you've tried *ev-er-y-thing* and baby is still inconsolable, stop looking at this as a problem to be fixed, switch your mindset to one of just buckling up for the ride.

If you keep having failed attempt after failed attempt, you'll get frustrated, and that would now make two of you.  You can just hold baby and be present, with some gentle rocking until they tire out. If this is your sixth night in a row and you just can take anymore, its fine to swaddle baby, place them in a safe place such as a crib, and walk away. You heard me - put them down, and walk away.

Give yourself a few moments break. Remove yourself from the situation in order to regain some control over your emotions. Its fine, baby is safe - they're crying regardless of your presence - and honestly you may feel so awful for leaving them alone, that you find that new reserve of energy to continue the battle. Ha! Here's a funny video to give you some laughter, which is great for piercing the darkness. But seriously, know when you've reached your limits, and take care of yourself so that everyone can stay safe.

Do you have any tried and true baby calming methods? Comment below with what has worked for you!

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No epidural, No problem! But please, keep it a secret.

Its your first, and you've decided, after hours of watching The Business of Being Born, or whatever other anti-medicinal approach to child birth, that you plan on laboring and delivering with as little intervention as possible. To which I say, "cool, lets do it".

First things first, in order to experience the least amount of pain possible, tell no one. This goes especially for first time mom's, like, don't do it. Don't breath a word of it to a soul. I promise, the pain and agony of having to debate every Jane you meet, the intense scrutiny in their rolling eyes, they're subconscious clutching of their pearls while saying "Bless your heart", the immediate and visceral need to scoff, rebuff, and dismiss...can all be avoided by keeping it to yourself.

Once you're past step one, its smooth sailing! Lol! Seriously though, I got all of the "this woman is clueless" looks and talks I could take.  Some of it even felt like I was being attacked.  Were there some in my set that said sounds good? Heck yeah! AND they didn't even bother to say it in a dismissive way.  But there were innumerable amounts of others that did even bother to stop short of telling me how dumb I am. Yep, plowed right through it.

Listen, if you believe that you are making the best choice for you and  your baby by forgoing whatever type of medical intervention has you skeeved out, then do it! But if you're the type to get easily discouraged, or offended, then you'd do best to keep this little tid bit to yourself.  From no epidural alllllll the way to birth in a yurt, its  your body, your decision, and your secret to keep till little one is here. HA!

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Quickie Post: What is the difference between Co-Sleeping and Bed Sharing?

Is there a difference?  Some people like to be hyper-technical, while others are fine with using them interchangeably. It really boils down to this (for all you word mincers):

Co-Sleep-

Baby is in the room with you.  Baby has their crib in your room, a co-sleeper in your room, or is in bed with you, in your room.

Bed sharing-

Baby is in bed with you.  That's it.

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Baby Wise is for the birds- Feeding Schedule edition

Squish was exclusively breastfed (EBF). What that means is, she was getting the worlds easiest to digest food, and therefore was ready to nurse about every 3 hours. Well, there you go you say, every three hours. So you wake, play, eat, sleep, every 3 hrs like Baby Wise says. WRONG. Babies hit growth spurts, and as a breastfeeding mother, supply has to catch up with demand, that being said, she would have to nurse longer and more frequently in order for my glands to get the message. Pulling her off because we'd met a prescribed amount of time, or refusing to nurse because a certain amount of time had not passed, was not an option. How would my milk have ever been sufficient using this method?  Also, type B me says as an adult, I'm hungry...when I'm hungry.  There is really no set time.  There is a general time, but I'm not the type to say "Oh,it's 12:01, time for lunch". Nope.

A babies nutritional needs can vary day to day, just like us. Some days she was super sleepy, others super hungry, but no matter which, I let her decide when she wanted to nurse, not the other way around. Besides, shoving a nipple at baby who is not hungry is the second best way to piss them off. The first best way is to take away the food when they are hungry.

While I can definitely see the merit in knowing when baby will be hungry, and planning accordingly; days don't really fall in to line like that until about month 3. I don't know if that's when I finally got better at being a mom, or if that last trimester being over allowed baby to be better at being a baby. What I do know is, the only planning I did the first few months was to say "Ok, just nursed baby, we should have two solid hours to do something before she needs to eat again".  That was the extent of soothsaying I was able to do.

Not everyone EBF's, but bottle feeding is no different. A mother that is exclusively pumping, or formula feeding, has a baby that has the still biological needs of the breastfed baby.  Growth spurts still pertain.  Baby will be hungrier, and sleepier, and fussier (so good luck playing) during these times.

What about cluster feeds? Marathon feeds? There are too many variables to sum up feeding a baby that young on a schedule.  I say relax, and let baby give the cues.  There is nothing wrong with feeding on demand if it makes crying baby like just shut up for like 3 seconds so you can stop feeling like you're going crazy! :::deeeeeeeep breeeeaths:::

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Baby Wise is for the Birds- Co-sleeping edition

Literally, let them use it for nesting.

Let me start off by saying, to each his own. One thing that is very important to know about me, is that I am a very type B "meh" kind of person.  You do what you want, I do what I want, and I'll keep my opinions to myself. Life is MUCH better this way, I tell you what.
Let me also say, that most of my issues with Baby Wise have to do with the timing.  I unequivocally without a doubt think that it is foolhardy to attempt "sleep training" any earlier than 3 months.  I know, I know, oh how I know, that this is not the convention, but I had to put it out there.  Baby Wise would probably be great for a 3-4 month old, just a little harder at 6 weeks.

At any rate, I do have my opinions on co-sleeping and bed sharing that are pretty much not shared by any one I know IRL. Everyone I know puts their baby to bed, in their own room, and like, watches them on tv or something, while the squirm and sometimes cry, until they fall asleep.

Is this deadly?
Are these parents neglectful?
Will these children be unfeeling sociopaths?
I'm sure the answer is without a doubt NO.
BUT, I know whats best for my children, and this model wasn't it.

I read baby wise while pregnant with #1.  It touted how unselfish, self-sufficient, and altruistic children were whose parents followed the advice outlined in between those book covers. Ah, how wonderful it is to know that your child will understand limits, and take correction readily because you put them on a schedule, and had them adhere to it. And woe, woe I say, unto the child that had parents that did not love them enough to spend the time to train them up on a schedule.  Those poor, ill managed children; destined for the penitentiary, and a life full of self-centeredness, an inability to follow directions, and a complete drain on society.

I ate it up.

Just like I ate up hypnobirthing.  And just like how hypnobirthing lasted around 20 minutes, Baby Wise was a quick, and distant memory. They placed that squishy, helpless baby girl in my arms, and I knew at that moment, she would have to get what she needed, whatever it took. Up at 3 am? Sure. Give her all the blood in my body? Ok.  If she needed it, she was going to get it. And there in lies my critique of the Baby Wise method.

If my baby needs to be rocked to sleep every night, why not? If she needs to be able to reach out her little hand and feel that someone is next to her, or hear our breathing (read snoring) throughout the night, why not? Why is it important for her to sleep through the night at 6 weeks? Which, by the way, while some babies manage it, I believe by in large, it is absolutely unreasonable to expect this. Ugh, I know, I know, you're baby was sleeping through the night the first day, and you love all the rest you got to get, and blah blee blah blee blah.  I get it!

Moving on, regarding co sleeping, in my honest, unprofessional, slightly unsupported opinion, it is a MUST for the first few weeks. There's all kinds of sciency stuff that claims that babies thrive better when they are able to hear mom and dad's breathing patterns, and sense that they are not alone. Nursery's at hospitals are empty now because Dr's have observed the drop in blood glucose, increase in stress, and drop in body temperatures that infants suffer when pulled away from mom, so they "encourage" you to room in. (I guess gone are the days of "nurse take this baby it's driving me nuts"). I think that most of what science says on mother-baby relations is a load of bologna, but some folks think scientists make the world go round, so perhaps it will help me prove my point.

 Regardless of science, there are a few, very common sense reasons, to have baby room in with you.

1. You can hear them

        Chief complaint of every new mom: baby's breathing is keeping me awake. THAT'S GOOD! There's this new thing called SIDS, which is caused by ???, and seems to be marked by an infant that stops breathing. Having baby in the room with you allows you to have a closer and more receptive ear to whats going on with baby's breathing.

2. Middle of the night nursing just got easier

         Hate having to get up and nurse baby alllllll the way across the house? No biggie, just reach over and grab baby to feed. This is a great reason to co-sleep and an even better reason to bed share.  By having baby in the room, you will hear hunger cues before its all out cry fest.  By bed sharing, you can nurse in your sleep, continue to get good rest, and not fear falling asleep somewhere compromising to baby, like a couch or glider. Nursing while in a comfy glider, can lead to mom falling back asleep; if nursing in a side hold, baby can slip down in between mom and chair, compromising baby's ability to breath. I've only heard of this happening once, and I'm no fear monger so don't take it as that, but when breastfeeding, bed sharing is one of the safest ways to feed while sleepy.  But don't take my word for it. Google it sometime, or check out this article by a real life bonafide doctor.

3. I'm scared of video monitors

        So I'm completely convinced I will see a ghost on one. I am absolutely NOT joking. I am terrified of looking at a tv screen and seeing something wondering around the baby's room.  I am equally freaked out by audio monitors. I would never sleep again if I heard some voice coming across, regardless of whether it was from the great unknown, or the house next door.

4. Its safer for all kinds of fear monger reasons

         Fire?  Flash flood? Earthquake? Hurricane? Home invasion?  All reasons to have a child that is incapable of escaping, or getting to you in order to escape, in the same room.  Its much easier to grab baby and go, then to have to go get baby and go. And ohemgee, I can't imagine if you lived in a big or two story home, and baby was on a different floor/in a different wing. No no, at night time, and pretty much all day, keep baby close.

5. You will have sex again, I promise

        I have two children, so I speak from experience.  Besides, you're not supposed to  be shoving anything in there for the first six weeks anyway. Funny how the time it takes for you to recover, is the exact time it takes for baby to finish out that "Fourth Trimester". Any way, don't go trying to get bizzy just yet.  Stay at 3rd base for awhile, and tend to your new baby during this very fleeting time. If you've not had any children, I'm sure the idea of getting in on with baby in the room sounds gross, strange, possibly perverted.  Check back in after 4-5 months and let me know what you think then. HA! I *personally* would not have relations with baby IN BED with me, but I know lots of folks do.  Say, why don't you go ask your parents what they did? Just kidding, GROSS!


There are two sides to this coin, too lazy to care for baby on demand, so place them on a schedule that suits you, OR, too lazy to take the time it takes to schedule baby, and have them adhere to it, so do whatever the baby wants. Either thought process is a very watered down, and extreme view on the subject. Its not that easy. Parenting is not easy.

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Breast is BEST…for now

So besides being really awesome to look at and touch, breasts are great for feeding baby humans.  New moms often fall into the breastfed vs formula fed trap because what no one tells you is that NO MATTER WHAT, you will be wrong.  Breastfeeding? WRONG. Formula? WRONG.  Just take it from me, and tell no one how you plan to sustain your babies life for the first year.  After that you can go on to debate to Capri Sun or not, but those discussions are much less heated.

I say breast is best for now, because it will change in a few years. It all goes along with what “society” (read affluent people) deems appropriate.  Lemme splain:

(This is like SUPER condensed)
There was a sudden shift that occurred, a shift that dealt with just what kind of role women played in society.  Women looked to be liberated and free of society imposed traditional roles. Educated women wanted more out of life, careers, interests outside of the home, social lives that were rich and satisfying. As such, the idea of barefoot and pregnant became synonymous with poor.
Yep, just like that.
And if the new modern woman chose to take a husband, and chose to bear him children, it would once again be on her terms.  If an affluent, educated, career minded woman wanted to have baby, but couldn't take off work? No biggie, we can afford day care and bottles, formula, and disposable diapers.  She can have that baby, and be back at the office in a week. Poor women didn't have that luxury, and bottle feeding became a status symbol. Breastfeeding for the first time in human history was no longer the preferred method of nourishing our offspring.
Then the whole thing happened in reverse.  Every educated mother knows now that "breast is best", and now affluent women have office jobs where they HAVE to be provided (by law) a space and time to pump while away from baby.  And about that pump, which costs hundreds of dollars to buy, plus some money for upkeep; that's just the cost of being a good parent.
To the those women who work jobs that don't have a quiet private place, or don't provide time, or who can't afford the cost of pumping; its just too bad.

At any rate, breastfeeding was never the only way to feed your baby. 

I chose to breastfeed both of my children.  Squish until she was about 19 months old, and baby boy until 15 months.  Why did I make that decision? 

1.       It’s easy.  No bottles to wash, nothing to mix or warm. No going to the store, no packing things to take with me on outings, no worries about bottle temperature, just super easy.

2.       It’s free.  That’s right; as long as I chose to wake up and eat food every day, I will have an infinite supply of food for my baby

3.       I’m not big on factories.  I eat tons of food made in places not my home, but that does come with the risk that something upstream can potentially make its way to me, and then make me super sick (or rich or sexy…but most likely sick).  So, I try to avoid all factory made foods for baby up to a year.  If I didn’t make it at home, baby won’t be eating it

4.       It’s natural.  God made my body to do this, and I am utterly amazed at the fact that it works the way it does.

5.       I’m smug.  I get to quietly show how much more I love my baby than you, by detailing all the sacrifices I’ve made to feed them this way…wait…  

So about #5.  This is what people tend to perceive, what some people actually put out there, and what really sends these types of conversations into a tailspin.  Listen, hear me now and hear me good: No one, no one, no one (sorry Alicia Keys), can tell you the best way to care for your baby, or make you feel like you’re not doing a good job.  Especially the second part.  I know the pressures all too well, but the way I see it, if some mom was like “What? You don’t give your baby crack?  My baby lives on crack and can’t go without it.  Your baby is obviously missing out on something important by not getting crack”. I would say thanks, and politely excuse myself to go judge the crap out of her.  Why is that? Because this person’s opinion doesn’t count to me. 

We run into trouble when well-meaning folks, whom we care about, tell us that we’re all jacked up, and not directly so that we can get defensive, but passively so that the idea can fester in our brains for days and days until we come the same conclusion that they had all along: we’re terrible mothers.

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The Birth Story of DP3O

Lets start with a bit of backstory-

Being that this is number 2, I was under the impression that I had the whole pregnancy thing down pact. I. was. SO. wrong.  This whole pregnancy was spades different from Squish.  She was the epitome of an easy pregnancy. Only mild nausea for like a week, no aches or pains, only went to the potty a few times a night.  Wonderful.

But this guy, this guy had it out for me from conception.  First of all, I knew I was pregnant a week after it happened.  This is too early for a pregnancy test to detect, you need at least 9 days past your ovulation date, I knew at 5. No lie.  He was already cramping my style.  So, after actually getting a + on a test, things spiraled out of control quickly. LOL. The first tri was all about nausea, and eating.  If I went longer than 5 minutes without eating, I was super sick.  I never actually threw up, which was fine by me, but sitting around at work GREEN all day was still pretty awful.  Once we hit the 2^nd tri, things were spades better.  Everyone commented on how nice I still looked (apparently I went to crap with Squish), and how I was still in heels, etc.

Then we got to the 3^rd tri, and someone made it point to hit me with a bag of bricks daily.   Then at about 36 weeks, the bag of bricks moved from beating me to sitting very, very, veeery, low in my pelvis.  Oh, and hitting all around my insides now.  I was up every hour and half or so at night.  It hurt to walk anywhere and I knew, just KNEW every day was “the” day because I had constant Braxton-Hicks, something I never experienced with number 1.

Finally, after everyone was at the point of saying how shocked they were that I was still pregnant, I woke up on Monday Oct, 22 (5 days before my due date)with regular cramps.  These cramps were different than the normal Braxton-Hicks I had been having for a month.  I got up, and got dressed to go to work, then thought better of it, and decided to send Squish and Husbro out the door, while I stayed home.  I also texted my MIL and SIL and told them to keep their phones close, just in case. I knew it wasn’t “time” just yet, but I knew I was really close.  Once the fam was gone, I decided I needed breakfast, so I walked to the McDonald’s by my house.  It’s about 6-7 blocks both ways, and I was hoping it would get things kick started.  I waddled over, ate, waddled back, and then decided to have a hot shower.  After the shower, I decided a nap was in order.  I woke up at around noon, and there was no more action. I was miffed, but kept my cool.  They started to come back around 4 or so in the evening, so I decided to download a tracker, and start keeping..track.  The way it worked was you would hit it once at the start of a contraction, and again when it was over.  I did this for a few hours, and saw the cramping was coming about 12-14 minutes apart, but still not strong at all.  I got up, cooked dinner, and texted my SIL that I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to have the baby without assistance.  You see, with Squish, my water broke and I never had a contraction, I ended up with Pitocin like 14 hrs later.  So I was starting to doubt that my body knew how to contract on its own.  SIL responded that this is sometimes the case, a little help would not hurt.  I agreed, and got ready for bed.  I brought my tablet with me to keep timing the contractions, but around 1 am, I decided to throw in the towel.  They were nothing to write home about, and I was just making myself anxious.  Squish lay in bed next to me, so I concentrated on being present with her, and enjoying our last (however many) moments, as mommie and only child.

At about 4 am, I awoke in an absolute panic.  My body was wracked in pain, and all I could think was “I have to run away, I have to get away from whatever this is!” . BUT, I couldn’t move because it hurt so much so I just writhed there until it went away.  Once it did, I got up and went to the restroom, where I saw just a tinge of pink after I went potty, but I knew that this was the infamous “bloody show”, and that it was time.  I went into the living room so that Sugarbeet could sleep while I was still in early labor.  I had another contraction bent over our easy chair, and then I spied my arch nemesis: a tree roach had gotten into the house and was taunting me from above a shelf on the wall above the tv. Noooooope.  I went into the room and work up SB to come and kill it.  I couldn’t possibly concentrate on laboring with that thing menacing me.  So, I asked him to wake up to dispatch it, oh and also btw, I’m in labor. LOL

Things were intense FAST, there was no build up.  We emailed work, texted SIL, and let MIL know that Squish was coming to stay with her.  Around 6, SIL was at the house.  She walked in while I was having a contraction, and I guess I was pretty loud because she says “Man, we can’t be here already! If we’re already here, we’re not going to have anywhere to go”…not what I wanted to hear, but I guess it was true.  SB woke our sleeping Squish and took her to MIL’s.  I thought saying good bye to her would have been so emotional, but labor was already taking over my brain, and I was pretty focused on that.

Up until this point I was listening to my Hypnobirthing tracks, but that little old lady’s voice got SUPER annoying, so I asked SIL to put on some regular music.  She pulled up our itunes, and I got to work; zoning in and out. The next few hours are a blur.  I would check in every hour to ask how many hours it had been.  You see, I heard that second babies can take half the time as first.  So since it was 8 hrs with Squish, surely this time it would be only four, right? Right. SIL kept on timing my contractions for me, and they were around 5-7 minutes apart.  I labored on my couch sitting up with pillow behind me, with my legs Indian style. We tried me standing and I about died, and I also tried with my legs flat on the floor, this too was deadly.  The only position that allowed me to cope was on the couch, legs crossed. 

At some point I got tired, and wanted to sleep in between contractions, but I could lay my head back, since I was propped straight up.  I asked SB to get in front of me so that I could lean my head forward and sleep that way.  I’m not sure how long this went on, but at around 11 we made the call to the midwife.  We spoke and she said that I was still in early labor, I’m guessing because of how I sounded, and because the contractions were still 5 minutes apart. She says that if I like, I can come in to the office and have her check me. Sheesh, I didn’t even get the offer to go to L&D!  At this point I felt like I needed to settle in for the long haul, and maintain my focus.  SB and SIL both said maybe I should get in the bath for a little, but that sounded like a nightmare. SIL also insisted that I try to walk, in order to get things moving, which once again, almost killed me. LOL. I stood up for one contraction, and then refused to do it again.  She tells me that my contractions are not getting any closer together, and that I should consider walking to help them along. This suggestion is met with utter refusal.

Then around 2:30, I realize that I am not coping well, at all.  I decided I needed to go to the restroom, but needed to wait till in between contractions, since I had terrible memories of the contraction I had while on the potty with Squish.  I was pretty sure I was going to die when that happened, so I didn’t want it again. So I hurried, but on my way back, started to have a contraction.  SB was out loading the car, so SIL got behind me to apply counter pressure while I rocked on the arm of the couch.  Then it began to peak, so I turn around, grabbed her hands, and ended up on the floor in a deeeep squat. I didn’t know how deep till I realized my butt was sweeping the ground. LOL. While this was going on, decided that I was in transition.  I also remembered that this stage can last from 30 minutes to hours, and I didn’t have hours of this in me.  So I said “We have to go NOW”.  Either this baby was coming, or I was getting meds, but I knew I couldn’t be at home anymore.

We got in the car, my worst, absolute WORST nightmare, and started towards the hospital.  This was a nightmare for me because I knew that being in a comfortable position is the best way for me to cope with contractions, and the car is NOT comfortable.  I had three contractions in the car, all of which I could do nothing but scream through.  Maybe it was a yell…a loud, high pitched moan? At any rate, things were very vocal in the car.  I only opened my eyes twice during the 15 minute ride to the hospital, and we arrived just that quickly, with me clutching the headrest, and directing SB were to go to get valet/patient drop off. 

SIL and I got out of the car, and are walking to the elevators, when I have another contraction.  I lean forward on SIL and rock and sway, this one is pretty light, not too bad, but I think that was only apparent to me, as Security asked if we needed a wheel chair, which I refused.  We went up the 15 floors and a slight contraction later, I get whisked past reception, and lead SIL back to the area where the midwives have their exam rooms/offices. We go in, and SB joins us as the midwife comes in to do my exam.  I told myself all the way to the hospital, that if she did the exam, and it didn’t hurt, then I was probably ready to go.  She did the exam, it did not hurt, and she said that I was ready to go! Now this should have brought some sort of relief over me, but it did not.  I asked when I would be able to push, and she said as soon as we get downstairs to L&D, but I did not find this comforting.  My SIL said that I had already done all of the hard work, but when you’re in the throes of it, hard and easy mean nothing.  You only want to hear done and over.  They bring in a wheelchair, I have another contraction, SB is there to hold me while I squat down to the floor, which alarms the midwife because she’s scared that I’m about to have the baby right there!  We get on the elevator, ride down, get me into my room, and have another low, squatting contraction on the way to the bed.

I’m sitting up in bed now, trying desperately to push. But I don’t feel like anything is happening.  I start to tell everyone that I can’t do it.  That this baby is not coming, and that I am helplessly lost on what to do next except give up.  Now mind you, there is no give up, baby is coming, but now I feel like a spectator more than a participant.  Like I can’t do what needs to be done to get this over. I go on like this for…maybe 10 minutes?. But then I realize that I am not ready to push just yet.  And it’s like at that very moment, a switch went off.  I breathed away a contraction, then half of one, and then I began to push. This felt as if I was getting nowhere again.  The only way I can describe it is trying to push your hand through a wall. You push, it pushes back, and you don’t feel any movement. VERY different from Squish, and I think that is why I struggled (besides not being ready yet) at the beginning.  Pushing is supposed to feel good. But this HURT, and I was not mentally prepared for that. BUT, there really is a part where your body takes over and says ready or not.  So,  I got to pushing.  I pushed once, and I heard the midwife tell me that I was going to feel a lot of burning, ah yes, the infamous Ring of Fire. Didn’t have that with Squish, and was determined not to have it this time.  I decided that if it was going to hurt to have that area stretch, I was going to hurry up and get him OUT. Lol. I push again, and continue getting that hand against a wall feeling, then MASSIVE amounts of awful pressure (like super awful, think…the biggest poop EVER lol!), then his head came out.  So, I think I’m done, but I hear the midwife say, ok, now lets get his shoulders out. What. THE FUDGE! Lol. Squish popped out like a champagne cork, this guy is making me work for it. UGH. So I push, his shoulder come, followed by the rest of him. 15:33 on 10/23/13. I look at SIL and say “I’m never doing this again”, and everyone laughs.

I’m still sitting up, never did recline, so when she goes to hand him to me, they have me lean slightly forward, since he apparently has a short umbilical cord, WHICH wow, I found hard to believe considering all of the rockin and rollin he did in there! They placed this hard rock baby in my hands, LOL.  I mean come on, baby girl is nicknamed Squishy for a reason.  This little boy had a broad, high chest, and strong, full arms and legs.  I think that’s why pushing was so different; this guy was all muscle, with not a hint of “squish” to be found.  I joke that I almost fell off the table when they placed him in my arms. She asked me if I wanted to wait until the cord stopped pulsing to which I said nooooope.  I knew that the placenta still needed to make its exodus, and so I was anxious to get that over with.  I’m not sure if delaying cutting the cord has any impact, but I figured if it did, I wanted that to be a quick as possible. I ended up with stiches, not too many but enough to where I had them take the baby to get cleaned up, since it was pretty painful. No epidural=no numbness for that carpet needle they use. :::shudder:::  They tell me he is 8lbs 5oz. Nice size, I think; a full pound heavier than Squish.

It was smooth sailing from there.  I had all of the L&D nurses telling me to coach my friends on coming in ready to push.  They said that I was “ideal”; in and out in 30 minutes or less! LOL. Everyone remarked about how I didn’t look like I just had a baby.  Honestly, I didn’t feel like it either. It was strange.  I just felt so normal so fast.  It was like immediate relief I guess, after so many months of schlepping around all tired and heavy.  My contractions never got closer than 5 minutes apart. I had no epidural, no IV, no Pitocin, no interventions what-so-ever. I think all of that helped my body through the healing process, along with my knowing what to expect.  My body said, “Yeah, we know what to do now, we’ve been through this before”, and I was back up on my feet in no time!

SO, that is it. Here I sit, 3 months out reminiscing on this, and slowly getting baby fever…HA!

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